I’m a doer. I don’t like to stop until there is clarity around me, peace and harmony with belongings and good food in the kitchen to feed my family. I’m always full of ideas. Ones that I usually don’t have time to act on. There are crafts I want to make, new foods to bake and memories I want to create with my girls.
When there is too much stuff, it makes me I want to get rid of everything extra.
If a child is angry I want them to calm themselves down before we talk about it.
When there are too many activities, I want everyone everyone to eat dinner together. Every. Single. Night.
A lot of times it’s all or nothing with me. When I decide to do something I’m all in.
It’s day 16 of my 40 days of yoga. I’m on day 13 of my 30-day self guided retreat. I decided to give myself the wiggle room to complete it in 40 days because some days I have to accept I just can’t get to it. However I am keeping up with my commitments of daily yoga, meditation and limiting technology time on my phone. I’m also learning sometimes it’s ok to multitask and be thankful I can return and email while nursing because somethings can’t be ignored. I’m finding the balance. The journey is never ending. And next month it will change.
Sometimes the five minutes I can devote to the book helps keeps my in check with awareness and mindfulness. And that is spreading to other parts of my day.
I have done really well getting on my mat everyday. I even went to three yoga classes, three days in a row. Two of them I took Esther Kate with me and one I did not. They were regular classes. And for the majority of class she did great lying next to me, just like we do at home. Going to class alone is my real treat, to myself. It takes a lot of self-discipline to walk out of the house, away from a baby who still nurses every 2-3 hours, and leave my husband with four kids and a dirty kitchen after he cooked breakfast. I’ve learned when mom takes care of herself she takes care everyone. I can not have mom guilt about that.
Thursday I took baby girl with me to get a massage. It worked well! It’s not the same as going solo. But that has not happened in years anyway. My husband was out of town at his grandmother’s funeral, and that time refueled me for my two days of solo parenting while processing all that was happening. Therefore I was grateful for my massage therapist friend who agreed to give it a try. And yes, I would do it again. Thanks Jen!
She had us set up on the floor, nice and cozy. We nursed through parts and I relearned some valuable insight about my own alignment of posture and wear and tear on a mom’s body. I have to work double time to keep aligned while holding a baby nearly all day. She was five months old on this day.
Through my self discipline journey I am reminded, with a baby, I have to be realistic about what I can do in a day, and choose focus and mindfulness instead of having everything done in a way I would in an ideal world. The laundry might have to wait another day or two. It might take a month to get to that sewing project. Or I might never get to it.
Monday the girls were home from school for Martin Luther King day. We started our day with a DVD on mindful movements and meditation. The girls all put out yoga mats and participated in different degrees. Baby girl didn’t want to be put down so I mostly watched my middle/big girl engage in this activity. It was a victory moment in my journey to nurture my high energy child.
By the end of the day I had to tell myself this was enough, and share in their yoga moves as my own. I looked forward to today when I would have the school day to catch up on my own mat. And that had to be enough.
Yesterday I had an overstimulated baby with all the activity at home who took refuge being worn all day. After a failed attempt at a bath, I just put her inside my shirt, skin to skin and wrapped her in a woven wrap. Until she peed on me. Oh the love! It was still a dance class day so that was on the agenda. Snow is expected later this week and the middle/big needed new snow pants. So a trip to REI happened. It’s her first time not having a hand-me-down snow coat and pants. She was SO happy.
Once we ALL met up for dinner and then made it home after baby girl cried in the car the whole way – she wanted nothing but me.
After some nursing mediation time snuggled between two kiddos in bed, I journaled on my phone and read Change for Good via an iBook.
Because that day, that was enough.