Positive Discipline with the “Green Chair”

My toddler is quite feisty if you ask me. Really, they all are right? It’s the age of independence and them wanting to do everything themselves. Sometimes it inevitably results in frustration and them acting out due to their inability to rationalize or communicate what is happening. Or maybe it’s just them being mad that things are not happening the way they would prefer during times when that is not a possible option.

We try to practice positive discipline, with attachment parenting philosophies of respecting the child, with the hope they model that respect back to us and their siblings.

In the grand scheme of things, I think it works. But sometimes it doesn’t – like all attempts at parenting. And no mater what, sometimes it’s all trial and error. Every stage and phase is different, bringing different solutions. Basically there is never an easy answer.

AND I know the hard times are yet to come – when there are three teenage girls living under one roof here. But one thing that has remained constant for us so far, is a child’s need for space to calm themselves down before we can really work things out.

Time out never really worked for us. It goes too much against giving a child a choice and displays too much of the parent showing authority over the child.

So right now, when my toddler needs to cool off a bit, she goes to her “Green Chair.” When she chooses to hit instead of using her words, I say, “Acting this way is not okay. Please go to your Green Chair until you can be sweet.” Now when this happens she runs right to it. She sits, rocks, cools down and then returns for a hug – when she is ready, by her own choosing.

When I was a child my mom called this concept “The Thinking Chair.” And we had to sit in it and think about what we had done. The chair was a gold throne high back chair, velvet with tucked buttons, straight up 1970’s. It sat in our formal living room where no one ever went, except to visit “The Thinking Chair.”

That vintage chair now sits in our children’s living room and my big girls use it as their thinking chair, like my toddler’s “Green Chair.” There are times when they all visit theses spots all on their on choosing, for some peace and quiet.

Then there are the times when all the sisters are acting out together (which does happen occasionally). And I sit them all on the sofa and tell them no one can get up until they all choose to get along. It usually always includes a silly lecture from me about how lucky they are to have sisters because I never had one. Sometimes I sit with them.

In the end it turns into a big cuddle fest – after a small amount of kicking, hair pulling and tongues sticking out. But hey, that’s what sisters are for right?

I’m reminding myself of these times and strategies as we enter summer – a 72 day stretch where starting Friday it will be me and them 24/7.

We’ll have a classic camp free summer, with no schedules other than music lessons and weekly art classes at home with a local artist. There will be no TV other than movie morning Fridays. And together, we will all survive – with our “Green Chair” as well as “The Thinking Chair” and group hugs on the couch when needed.

We are close group, us four girls. I’m laying the ground work now for me to be one of them, hoping this equal respect of positive discipline will carry us through the teenage years with flying fun times.

Wish me luck!