With a friend in labor, I’m sharing my birth bracelet

Labor has a place in my heart. I’m not going to say I like labor. But I don’t mind it, even with no pain medications. My third baby did leave me thinking I’ve probably had enough of that labor business – or at least the postpartum hemorrhage that comes after the baby in my case. But the beautiful, sweet anticipation of meeting my baby for the first time, through one long contraction at a time – I’m still okay with that.

All those sweet thoughts are going through my head tonight as my friend is in labor with her first baby. My candle is lit for her, and I’m sending her good birth vibes. Her name is Jessica if you want to do the same. I always light a candle and send thoughts and prayers to the way of a laboring mama. It’s a tradition that was started in our family when the first mom of my generation was in labor for the first time. I carry it along for all my friends.

I also have a tradition of my own that started with my first baby. It’s my birth bracelet. And since I’m feeling all labor-is-so-beautiful tonight, I wanted to share it with you.

The tradition was started for me in our Birthing From Withing birthing class when our teacher, the wonderful Teresa Howard with Labor of Love  Doula and Childbirth Services, hosted a blessingway ceremony as part of our last class.

It was all about honoring the pregnant mother. Teresa passed out a wooden bead to each woman and we chose a birth saying that meant the most to us, for the bead to signify. She placed it on a string and tied it on our wrist. I wore mine all the way through labor with my first child – all 3 hours and 17 minutes of non-medicated pushing sitting in a bathtub! I was determined to have a natural childbirth. And I did.

My saying for that wooden bead was, “Trust in the process.”

I saved that bead. And when I was pregnant with my second daughter I added to the bracelet. I did so peacefully, by myself that time, sitting in front of the fire in my living room. This was my time to start seriously preparing myself mentally for natural child birth. It was 10 days before my due date. After the not-so-welcoming experience into postpartum hemorrhaging the first time, I needed to get myself prepared to take on labor. And to be ready for anything it threw at me. Because I learned the first time it wasn’t all about relaxing in the tub!

This is what I added to my bracelet the second time, which I wore through the birth of my second baby girl. As I added the beads, I wrote the following quotes in my pregnancy journal for each bead.

* I added two white beads that were from a bracelet my great grandmother (on my mother’s side) used to wear, and were given to me by my aunt (a natural mama of four herself). “Women have been birthing forever. I gain strength from that. Strength from within is everything in birth. I am strong, like a warrior. The warrior within me emerges and she know what to do (which is a Birthing From Within birth saying). Our Great Great Great Grandmothers were all warriors.”

* I added two pink beads for my two girls at the time, one still in my womb and one who was barely two years old. “They are for my girls, and the love they show me everyday, and for the future. Birth is for today but our babies are forever.”

*I added two brown and white glass swirly beads that are for our current generation. “They are from a blessingway ceremony I helped host for Christy and Melissa, two women in our family. It represents us keeping the process going, educating others, empowering others to birth naturally and confidently.”

Below that I wrote, “Inhale peace, exhale tension. Breath and just be. Put all fear aside and birth. Do nothing else. Let the process happen.”

It was a successful birth and after that I considered myself an old pro at this birthing thing. But still, I tucked away that bracelet for another time. That time came nearly three years later as I once again prepared myself for labor. I did so again at home, with my same blue pregnancy journal that was started in 2004, sitting in front of the same fireplace from 2006.

This time I found myself needing less of the mantras and power boosters to tell myself I could do it, that I could get through natural childbirth. I knew I could do it. By then I had been on the board at the Lisa Ross and Birth and Women’s Center over two years and I was preaching to the choir about how great midwives are.

But still, I had to have my bracelet. It was part of my mental preparations for labor. And no mater how many times you give birth, you still have to prepare yourself mentally. This time the beads became all about my family. Most of them were leftover from a blessingway ceremony I hosted at my house for a whole gaggle of pregnant women in my neighborhood (seven of us actually).

This is what I wrote in my pregnancy journal as I added to my bracelet.

*I added a pink and white swirly glass bead for my third baby girl. “And two purple ones because I think purple will be your color.” I was right – she loves purple!

*I added to blue beads for our blue-eyed family and my husband and I’s love. “Our blue eyes, the both of us, is where it all started.”

*I added a black bead with blue and pink specks for the love and support my husband gives me. “He is the best Daddy ever!”

*I added a yellow and orange leafed glass bead to represent my dad. “The other best Daddy ever!”

*I added silver spacers that were beads from a prayer bracelet my mom had given me while I was pregnant with my second baby. “”She is always there with all her prayers.”

*I added two green beads that reminded me of the nature of birth. “The green square beads also remind me of the square vigor for life my middle child holds. The pretty pale pink beads still hold the sweetness of my first born.”

At the end of those thoughts I summed up my experience of having a third child with this.

“We are a settled family now and my husband and my girls mean the world to me me. This birth is not about me getting through it like all the women and grandmothers before us. It’s about our family, finding peace with where we are, looking ahead and using the wisdom of our lessons in life not to birth – but to raise loving, sweet, good natured, balanced girls. It all starts with birth. We are ready to embrace this baby, love her, and welcome her into our family.”

And today, after reading all this for the first time since my third baby girl was born, I have to say it could not be any more true.

And gosh darnet, here I was thinking I’m done with all this baby business. But it does make having another one seem like a whole lot of fun!

Fun for another day, perhaps!