My friend Jennifer from Playgroups are No Place for Children wrote a post over at Babble last week about the comment “You have your hands full.” Although she doesn’t like the comment, she’s a very sweet mama and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. She even admits being the one to say it. Which I have done myself by accident too. It is easy to blurt out when you see a mom with, well, her hands full!
But for me, usually it’s about more than my hands being full. It’s about reaching my wits end in public while I less than gracefully hold it, and my kids, all together. All this got me thinking about the time I wrote about this on my previous blog the Brown House News. Since my readership has grown a lot since then (yeah) and that space is no longer public – I want to share my thoughts on the topic here.
What do you think? Are you offended when people tell you, “You have your hands full.” Or does it not bother you at all?
When leaving a comment for Jennifer on Facebook about her post I realized precisely why the “you have your hands full” comment makes me cringe. It’s not that I think the person saying it is being mean or awful or anything other than trying to sympathize with me. It gets my blood boiling because it’s always said in a moment that I could have prevented and done a better job of controlling my choices and the situations I put my children in.
Was going down that isle one more time to try and find that thing I couldn’t find to begin with really that important? Probably not.
Still thinking about it five days after Jennifer wrote that post, I pulled up my post from the Brown House News that I wrote in June of last year. It reiterated the above point to myself. No I didn’t need those things. My kids needed me more. They needed to get out of the store! So that day I probably deserved that “You have your hands full” comment. I didn’t see the lesson in it then. But I’m glad I do now.
For me, being told I have my hands full means I need to put down all the stuff, the mental and physical stuff. The to do lists, the to buy lists, the I have an idea lists, and to be more mindful from the start. And sometimes that means not stepping foot in the store to begin with.
Here’s how that day went over at the Brown House News in June of last year, copied from an old post.
Excuse me for venting, but I can’t stand when people see me with all three of my girls and say, “You have your hands full.” It’s always in a sweet tone and possibly with with the intent of showing some empathy as I juggle life, sometimes putting every finger to use. Coffee in one hand, keys on my pinky finger, purse holding the dirty diaper, hand holding a toddler through the parking lot, one hand on the buggy – and yes I did grow an extra arm!
But really, this comment always comes – in my mind – when I am not having my finest parenting moments. Like today after I had spent too long in Target with the girls, perusing for the perfect rug and lamps for our newly changed up children’s living area.
The girls had already used the display furniture as a jungle gym as my toddler rolled off a sofa and into the isle while a woman stood watching the disaster unfold. This resulted in us sitting down for a nursing break, right in the bean bag isle. Which resulted in my middle girl having a melt down because I wouldn’t buy her a bean bag.
As we finally made our way to the check out isle I noticed my toddler girl had fallen asleep sitting on my hip, with her head bobbing. My middle girl was dragging, whining about me saying no to the pink bean bag, to the turquoise shag rug and then the popcorn. I was the big NO monster. My oldest girl tried to explain that is not how we get what we want – sounding just like me.
So here I was, pulling the buggy from the front with a big awkward rug sticking out of it, my big girl walking next to it, a sleeping toddler on my shoulder, my middle girl whining in the rear and all of us barely getting one foot in front of the other.
And then – here it comes, walking towards me, “You have your hands full.” I could have strangled the lady! I nodded, “Yep,” and kept wheeling along, knowing the Starbucks after the checkout isle was going to save me.
Yes some days my hands are very full. But honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do with them other wise.
So how do you feel about all this? How do you see it when you get the “You have your hands full” comment?
