The past few weeks my toddler has become really aggressive at me wanting to nurse. Demanding it, and then while she nurses she’s been kicking me if I do anything other than give her my full 100 percent attention – meaning no multitasking checking emails or writing blogs. Given these events, nursing has not been one of my favorite things to do lately.
This is a first for me and it could be a sign of a few things. Could I be done nursing? Are these days finally coming to a close? Am I ready for that? Perhaps. Maybe. I’m not sure yet.
I have always loved nursing and cherished this relationship with my girls. Without giving it much thought, I weaned both of my big girls quite effortlessly while I was pregnant with the next one in the pipeline. So I confess, since I’m NOT pregnant, I have no idea how to wean a toddler. Not that I’m completely ready to do so, but the way things were working (or not working) with our nursing relationship was too one sided. I was feeling used. I wanted her to come to me for a simple hug and that was it.
And then, just when something at night had to give and I needed a little more wiggle room minus a 27 pound body lapped across my chest and head – I got the flu. And for two nights she slept with her dad. And you know what? She was just FINE with it. I was shocked. And relieved and I loved the idea of the two of them sharing snuggles all night long.
I’ve been saying no lots more often to her big blue-eyed requests that she posses with a simple, “Milk-eee?” She has been taking car naps as a weaning tactic for nursing to sleep because it’s not really working anymore and she doesn’t go to sleep. So all in all, I’ve gotten her down to nursing just once (maybe twice) a day. This means we have to stay very busy and I can’t sit down for anything or else she sees it as an invitation to my buffet.
Monday I had to get some work done and she was at home with me, with no sisters to entertain her. It was so hard to keep telling her no to the milkies and no to me entertaining her. I’m a big believer that kids need to learn how to play by themselves, as I wrote in the post Confession: I don’t play with my kids and why it’s not such a bag thing. She cried. She got mad. And she eventually gave up to go happily play babies and trains – with the dog. Seriously, she l-o-v-e-s our dog Lulu!
So for those of you trying to wean a toddler, or just reading this wondering about my marathon seven years of nursing – I’m here to tell you that distractions, be it an illness, a dog or taking a little drive – is what is getting us through these days of me feeling like putting my foot down and blurting out, “Enough of the milkies!”
But just when I was feeling really awful and frustrated about telling her no to her beloved “milkies.” And I was wondering if all this no business was going to play out for the best or if it would land her in counseling one day. Today I began to notice that she was reaching out to me for just plain snuggles, the sweet old fashion kind with no strings attached or requests for bigger motives. Tonight as we walked home from a friend’s house she just put her head on my shoulder and wouldn’t stop snuggling. She read nighttime books with her sisters and when it was time for her to go to bed I lied her down, covered her with her “favorite blanket” and snuggled (just snuggled!) for the five minutes it took her to peacefully drift off to sleep.
Are we really doing this? Are we really weaning?
I know from experience that one day you just wake up and realize your little one hasn’t nursed in a few days. With my other two, neither one of them weaning was marked with any great fanfare. It just happened as my milk dried up in my pregnant body.
That means any day now, any week now, I could nurse a baby/toddler for the last time ever and not even know that it was the last time until some more time passes and I realize my seven years of nursing days are gone. My stacks of nursing tank tops and bras that I’ve accumulated might still be there, but will the milkies?
No I’m not sure I’m ready for that. But having a little bit of a break sure has been nice.
