When I had just one kid I played with her. I spent hours sitting on the floor with her, diligently teaching her all of her colors, animals and reading all the Todd Parr books to her daily. Then somewhere I must have gotten pregnant, and then it happened again. And guess what? Siblings make great playmates.
Lately I’ve had parents ask me how I do get my kids to play together so well, without me intervening or moderating their play. My response is simple. “I ignore them,” I say, almost embarrassed to tell the truth. Even though I don’t see it as a bad thing, I see it as setting a kid free to play like a kid should play thing.
Granted I’m always an earshot away, and I am intuitively aware of what it is going on throughout our downstairs space where the action happens. And it helps that our rooms are strategically arranged with stations of various age appropriate toys, books and activities that frequently get rotated and freshened up using other existing materials around the house.
I always try to have one area of the house that is clean, with minimal clutter, which serves as an open invitation for creative play (the mounds of clutter, I must confess, hide in the basement). By doing that, you’d be surprised what fun an open space and some music can bring, what that can lead to – and viola the kids are off and having a twirling good time though sister-led play.
There are many things I like the idea of doing with my three daughters – board games, dress up, tea parties, train sets. The latest was being asked to visit an “animal shelter” by my middle child while she barked on all fours from underneath a living room table.
The cute adoptable doggie almost made a customer out of me (I am qualified for that seeing we have four, real, adopted pets). But tinkering with my new camera lens that had just been delivered to my doorstep took precedence, at least at that very moment. There were however, two other girls present and willing to play animal shelter – who were even short enough to fit under the table.
So I went about my business, not feeling bad about it one bit. Because I’ve learned when I go about my business, the little people go about their business. And their business is to play, not to be entertained but to entertain themselves, with good old-fashioned play. My business is usually doing things for them on another level, such as feeding them, clothing them and generally staying a few steps ahead of them, predicting what while come next in the day.
I love doing art projects with my girls. But sitting on the floor playing a board game trying to win the right bag to go with the right girl is not my cup of fun. Like I said, I like the idea of it but the reality of doing it is, err, well, boring.
As a result of this old-time, anti-helicopter parenting philosophy, my kids really do play together. And a lot! In fact if they are not playing, they are either bored silly or attempting to annoy each other to no end. Neither are bad things in my idealistic book of good old-fashioned sibling silliness.
And at the end of the day – even after a complete shout down by the oldest sister at the middle sister for getting into her space and rearranging a few of her dollzillion items set up in her American Girl area, they were rolling over the top of each other on the bed making the other squeal with giggles.
They are learning to work out their own problems. When they tattle tale, unless it involves an injury with blood (redness counts too), they get my response of, “Go work it out with your sister please.”
Then they always return at some point to give me all their hugs and kisses. I’m always willing to put everything down at their requests to snuggle, read a book or do a craft. But I’ll pass on the pretend ice cream party. However I will whip out the ice cream maker for some of the real stuff. It just tastes better.
Which brings me to the point of authenticity and the independence that can stem from the real thing. I have seen proof of this through my oldest daughter attending a Montessori school for the last four years.
Young children can do a lot for themselves if we let them. It starts at an early age when doing things for themselves, like pouring a glass of water, is so much fun that it blurs the line between play and independence.
My toddler who will be two next month, can get a small size (real) glass out of the cabinet, put ice in it from the bottom freezer drawer, push a chair across the kitchen to stand on, open the refrigerator door and get her own water while holding the cup with one hand and the button to release the water in the other hand.
I continue to be surprised what kids, from toddlers to four-year-olds to seven year-olds, can do all by themselves when given the opportunity to do it. And usually, they are very proud by these acts of independence.
So yes, I think they can play for themselves too.
On the other side of the house, when boredom does strike, there is usually an opportunity for children to create entrainment for themselves. Back in the day when children had very little toys, a wadded up tin can and a stick could inspire a whole backyard baseball tournament.
I come from a mother who did not hesitate to open the sliding glass door, hold out her hand and simply say, “go play.” We would go far into the trees, making forts and riding on bike trails while running with other kids who lived on our street. When we heard the dinner bell ring we knew it was time to go home.
Today may be a little different, but we can apply the same ideas. Find a piece of paper and see what you’re little one can be inspired to do with it.
At our house I think it’s working. I’ve noticed when other kids come over they ask me, “What should we play with?” Or they ask the girls, who look at them kind of befuddled and don’t understand how to answer that question.
The answer is, you just play.
